Who says that the education system's failing?

The following questions were set  in last year's education standards  audit

These  are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).

Q.  Name the four seasonsA. Salt,  pepper, mustard, and vinegar
Q. Explain one of  the processes by which water can be made safe to  drinkA. Flirtation makes  water safe to drink because it removes large   pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and  canoeists 
Q. How is dew  formedA. The sun shines down  on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the  tides in the oceansA. The  tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water  tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on  the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun  joins the fight
Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist  onA. If you are buying a  house they will insist that you are well  endowed
Q. In a democratic  society, how important are electionsA. Very important. Sex  can only happen when a male gets an  election
Q. What are  steroids
A. Things for  keeping carpets still on the  stairs (Shoot  yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to  your body as you ageA.. When  you get old, so do your bowels and you get  intercontinental
Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches  pubertyA. He says goodbye to  his boyhood and looks forward to his  adultery            (So  true)
Q. Name a major  disease associated with cigarettesA. Premature  death
Q. What is  artificial inseminationA. When  the farmer does it to the bull instead of the  cow 
Q. How  can you delay milk turning sourA. Keep it in the  cow     (Simple,  but brilliant)
Q. How  are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The  abdomen)A. The body is  consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the  abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax  contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity  contains the five bowels: A, E,  I,O,U.                                              
Q.  What is the fibula?A. A  small lie
Q. What does  'varicose' mean?A.  Nearby
Q. What is the most  common form of birth  control A. Most people prevent  contraception by wearing a  condominium.

Q. Give the meaning  of the term 'Caesarean section'A. The caesarean  section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a  seizure?A. A Roman  Emperor.  (Julius  Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a  terminal illness
A. When you are  sick at the  airport.  (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example  of a fungus. What is a characteristic  feature?A. Mushrooms. They  always grow in damp places and they look like  umbrellas
Q. Use the word  'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its  meaningA. Hands that  judicious can be soft as your  face.

Q. What does the  word 'benign' mean?A. Benign  is what you will be after you be eight    (brilliant)

Q. What is a  turbine?A. Something an Arab  or Shreik wears on his  head